PODCAST. Vulnerability, Overwhelm, and ADHD Coaching with Matthew Sampey.

This week, we share our interview with Matthew Sampey a Certified ADHD and Life Coach (MPA, ACCG, PCAC), mental health advocate, speaker, writer, and owner of Grey Wolf Coaching LLC in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Embracing Vulnerability:

One of the key themes of our discussion was the importance of embracing vulnerability, especially for individuals living with ADHD. Matthew emphasized the significance of seeking support and reaching out for help, as it marks a crucial step towards growth and self-acceptance. He highlighted the tendency for those with ADHD to feel isolated and encouraged listeners to recognize that they are not alone in their struggles. By acknowledging vulnerability and seeking assistance, fellow Wise Squirrels can move towards understanding themselves better and finding strategies to navigate life with ADHD.

Overcoming Overwhelm:

Matthew shared insights into managing overwhelm, a common experience for individuals with ADHD. He discussed the cognitive hyperactivity associated with ADHD, emphasizing the need to transition from constant thoughts to actionable steps. By identifying core values, strengths, and goals, individuals can streamline their focus and channel their energy effectively. Matthew also emphasized the importance of self-love and acceptance in combating feelings of shame and guilt often experienced by those with ADHD. Through practices such as meditation and self-reflection, individuals can cultivate a sense of compassion towards themselves, laying a strong foundation for personal growth.

Becoming an ADHD Coach:

Matthew shared insights into his journey of becoming an ADHD coach. Drawing from his own experiences with his late-diagnosed ADHD, Matthew emphasized the importance of personal connection and empathy in coaching individuals with ADHD. He highlighted the gratification of supporting others in their journey towards understanding and managing their ADHD symptoms effectively.

Cultures, Education, and Therapy:

Matthew shared insights into the intersection of culture, education, and therapy in addressing ADHD. He highlighted the cultural factors that may influence perceptions of ADHD and access to mental health services. Matthew emphasized the importance of culturally sensitive approaches to therapy and the need for greater diversity and inclusion in mental health advocacy and support networks.

Chefs and ADHD:

Our conversation delved into the correlation between ADHD and careers in the culinary arts, particularly among chefs. Matthew explained how the creative nature of cooking aligns with ADHD traits such as impulsivity and cognitive hyperactivity. He referenced celebrity chef Jamie Oliver as an example of a successful individual with ADHD in the culinary industry, highlighting the role of creativity and stimulation in ADHD-friendly environments.

Values and Strengths Assessment:

Matthew shared practical exercises for individuals seeking to understand their values and strengths. He discussed the importance of identifying core values and character strengths through exercises such as values assessment and character strengths assessment. By drilling down to a few key values and strengths, individuals can gain clarity on their priorities and leverage their strengths to overcome challenges.

Transitioning from Thought to Action:

We explored strategies for individuals with ADHD to transition from cognitive hyperactivity to action. Matthew emphasized the need to move from the limbic system, associated with fight or flight responses, to the pre-frontal cortex, responsible for executive functioning. By reframing self-limiting beliefs and focusing on actionable steps, individuals can overcome procrastination and achieve their goals.

Self-Love and Acceptance:

Matthew discussed the importance of self-love and acceptance in managing ADHD symptoms. He recommended resources by authors such as Tara Brach and Pema Chodron, who offer insights into self-love and mindfulness practices. By cultivating self-compassion and challenging negative self-talk, individuals with ADHD can foster resilience and emotional well-being.

In conclusion, Matthew Sampey's expertise offers valuable insights into navigating the challenges of ADHD and fostering personal growth. Through awareness, education, and support, individuals with ADHD can embrace their unique strengths and thrive in their personal and professional lives. For those seeking guidance and support, Matthew's coaching services provide a compassionate and empowering approach to ADHD management and self-discovery.

For those seeking support or interested in learning more about Matthew's work, visit his website at Grey Wolf Coaching LLC and connect with him. Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and reaching out for support is the first step towards a brighter tomorrow.

• Transcript

  0:00

  I got my undergrad and graduate degree at LSU. And I was married I met, I married a girl that I met in Baton Rouge. After LSU, we had known each other, but unfortunately, I'm going through a divorce right now of 23 years and, but married into her family business. And I moved to Alexandria, Louisiana. So I was there for 17 or 18 years running an interior design store. It was a big stores a great little store, but that divorce, as things started not doing well, then I started my own business. I had a lot of questions about this. You know, I hired an ADHD coach myself, I got a lot of clarity. Then I moved back to Baton Rouge because I had been here for a while and I knew a lot of friends and my family is from from down here. And they're still like, you know, Baton Rouge is a lot closer to New Orleans. So that's kind of where I am and kind of ended up here. So happy to be back. And

  1:04

  you you were diagnosed with ADHD at 42. Is that right? That's correct. Okay. Yeah. Tell me tell me what led to that. And was that related to the, to your, to your divorce and things? Or is that? Right,

  1:17

  right. It's good question. You know, I'm sure that the ADHD had something maybe to do with my wife, my ex wife and I's relationship. You know, I think it's a lot deeper than that. Some other things, but I was really, you know, of course, I'm 53 years old right now. So, I was divorced. I mean, I was, excuse me, I was diagnosed for 11 years ago. So when I was younger, there was no ADHD diagnosis, there was, you know, this came about in the mid 90s, before we even knew, or hadn't put our finger on it. So I have spent a lot of my life a lot of my adult life, struggling with focus, and struggling to stay on top of things and complete task, you know, all the executive functioning things, you know, part of the brain, you know, the the organization, the prioritization, all these things, and I noticed that it really came to a head when I turned 40. And I was like, Okay, I have to have something. And I was fortunate enough to have a brain scan done by Dr. Daniel Amon. And I don't know if you're familiar with him, they Matisse keys kind of lead kind of a pioneer in the research and on the brain and ADHD. Now, I do know, I'm gonna have to put a little asterisk by Dr. Ayman, that he hasn't shared a lot of his research to other fellow researchers and physicians. And so there's some that he's a little bit of a questionable source. But anyway, I do think there's some good we can take from him because he did an image of my brain. And a doctor walked in and said that my prefrontal cortex was dark, and black. So not a whole lot of activity. But he said, My limbic system, which is the fight or flight response, part of the brain was lit up like a firecracker. And so, and he said, has anybody told you that you have an ADHD brain? And said, Well, no, but I've told that I've, you know, lacked focus my entire life. So that was my first diagnosis. And it was actually through a picture of a brain, my brain and which fascinated me that we could be at that level now where you know, biologically, we can start to really hone down and see what's going on in our brains.

  4:02

  Yeah, it's fascinating to me, I studied improv comedy with Second City in Toronto. And so I've performed, I do a lot of public speaking for a living and we're pretty well, you know, communication workshops and things in it. A lot of it revolves, so not a lot, but some of it certainly revolves around using improv and I brought up improv because there's a great TED Talk by a doctor Kim, and I can't remember his full name, but where they studied brains using the FMRI machines of jazz musicians. And when a jazz musician starts to improvise it the results are pretty fascinating kind of lights up all the other sections of the brain that weren't that aren't being used typically when you're, you know, when you're playing sort of sheet music or standards. So as soon as you start improvising it trigger There's other parts of your brain, which obviously not a doctor, so I would I would guess sections and probably screw him up. But yeah, no, sir, it is pretty fascinating. But I'm not I'm not actually familiar with Dr. Daniel. Amen. So I'll have to, I'll have to take a look.

  5:20

  Yeah, he's done a lot of shows. He's done some PBS specials, he's, you know, he comes on, and he talks a number of times, I've seen him on his public broadcasting stations, but he's written a couple of books, and he's fairly well known in the field. But like I said, there are some, you know, after I did some digging, there was some, he's hasn't been completely forthright with sharing his information. So I can't just say, Oh, get out, go get everything Dr. Daniel Amon is done. I would like to see a little more of why he's kind of been a little bit, you know, not as open as we'd like to see in the field, you know, so before I just give him a rubber stamp of approval, and tell everybody to go get their brain scanned. But I do think that he does have a lot. I mean, he's kind of been a pioneer. And if anything, we can definitely build off of what he's done. So

  6:18

  before this, so you're facing some sort of challenges, I imagine before meeting with him Have you met with, like other doctors without prying into your personal medical history? I'm not, I'm not doing that here, you know, as you'd like to share, but how did you because obviously, I mean, yeah, his name is fairly well, well known, but it looks a thing. So how, like, how did you end up with him? And, you know, like, for me personally, in my diagnosis, I haven't had an fMRI, my brain. All curious. Certainly,

  6:56

  yeah. Well, you know, at that point in my life, there was a lot of change going on. We had, we were very busy with work, and, you know, kids and all and I found my life in and I really don't mind going into this day, because I'm pretty open about this, I think that, you know, sharing this kind of information is really important for everyone. Because ADHD, we feel really isolated sometimes. And I think that being open with it, and, and being very honest and vulnerable is, is a real plus for, for for for me. And for not just for me, but for many, many other people, you know, but I like to talk about it as well, I think that there's nothing that gonna hold me back from anything from my past that I've discussed as far as my medical issues are concerned. But the, to answer your question, I think that, you know, I was, I was feeling overwhelmed. And it's very hard to describe. But it's something easily happen to the ADHD brain, we just feel like everything's coming at us at once. And we just, it's very hard to even put one foot in front of the other when we get like this. And I couldn't think I couldn't, it was, it was hard for me to even function at this point. And I had ruminate ruminative thoughts, looping pattern thoughts, you know, and I couldn't cycle out of them and I had no answers. And I knew it was something with some type of mental issue I had going on. And I just started trying to research more and when I finally got that diagnosis from psychiatrist and other subsequent quiet psychiatrist after that, that brain scan, then I really started to take do a deep dive into ADHD. And it answered so many questions for me. And it actually led me to what I'm doing now, which is an ADHD coach.

  9:10

  Yeah. And you started gray wolf coaching, what's the significance of the gray wool?

  9:18

  That's a question I get a lot. You know, it's the gray wolf. I'm an outdoors guy. I mean, I love outdoors. I love animals and I love exercising outdoors. So the gray wolf is like one of the most persecuted animals on the history of the planet. But he's extremely resilient. They can live in deserts or they can live in the Arctic. And they they're incredibly intelligent and cunning great hunters. Of course, the American Indian study them for years. it because they were such great hunters and they would, you know, emulate and a lot of what they did a fascinating creature monogamous. Of course, they could teach humans that a little bit better, I guess even my own self, but so that there's a lot to take from them and but I think the main thing that drew me to them was the symbolism behind the resiliency of them. And they've been through a lot, and they just keep adapting and moving on. And I like that and I've read, you know, books. Oh, man, I thought it was just a natural thing for my coaching. It's very me, you know, so thanks for the question. I kind of like talking about it. You

  10:47

  know, it's great. That all that all makes so much sense, you know, from from. Yeah, it's interesting to from the animal analogy, you know, being the host of the why squirrels podcast and why squirrels.com? You know, all the, you know, for me, it was it was very much the squirrels thing, and then the wisdom that comes with, with age, so I love the gray wolf love.

  11:14

  Yeah, the lone wolf, you know, people, like, you hear the term lone wolf, well, there is he does leave the pack, okay. But he doesn't leave the pack to be a loner, he leads the pack, he leaves the pack, because he wants to be a leader. And he wants other wolves to follow him. And there's a lot of symbolism behind that as well. So it's not like, we don't need to be isolating with these things. We all need support, you know, we need leaders and, and I like that interesting part as well. So

  11:48

  growing your your practice. So you've been a coach now for was it three years of coaching? That's great. And tell me a little bit about growing your your practice? What are some of the challenges, you've faced some of the things that you've overcome it? And you know, kind of building your own practice? Yeah,

  12:07

  yeah. Well, you know, David, I think the big challenge is, is just really describing to people what I do. It's a relatively new field. And so it's not like, I'm a social worker, or a counselor or a therapist, you know, of those, they're a little similar, but they're different. So it's, it's kind of a new field, right? And hasn't been around alone. In, in, particularly in Louisiana. I'm one of four that I know of ADHD coaches, right. And in like, just took, for instance, in New York's in New York State, there's 500. Wow. Right. So it, you can't really account for it, because all because the population either because, you know, the population of New York State is little under 20 million. Louisiana, it's a little under 5 million. Well, you have 500 coaches and four. And that's not really a true rate of comparison between the two. Right. So why is that? You know, and that's a good question. And I can't I don't know, the means that the complete answer for but you know, Louisiana, we're kind of a little bit behind the times, I don't want to talk bad about my home state, but we don't usually lead the country in the best rankings of things. So maybe it's just that we're a little slower to get on board. But it is, the challenge that I face is just having people really understand what I do. And because they say, you know, everybody knows what a coach is, a lot of people have an idea what ADHD is, they don't really necessarily have heard those two words together. So it's, it's the one thing I have to do is explain to people what I'm doing, not so much, you know, exactly, you know, like, what I, you know, what is it? What is that? You know, so it's getting that word out, you know, that there's help and support available for executive functioning issues for, you know, high school students, college students, executives, you know, CEOs, attorneys, small business owners. I mean, it's, it's, of course, ADHD is very, very prevalent out there. Of course, some estimates say 9% of the population. You know, and that's an 80% of people are not diagnosed. So I think it might even be a little more than 9% of the total population. So there's a lot of people, millions of people just in America Africa that are really suffering in silence really sort of speak, they don't really understand what's going on either. And that's why I'm a big advocate to, for people to reach out with support. Right, let's try to find some answers. Yeah,

  15:14

  I've learned a lot, just having conversations with folks about, about this and realizing, for example, like, learn, I mean, learning about this for myself and finding how, you know, when when you're craving dopamine, and your brain is not producing enough of it, we look for other ways to get that dopamine, and that can be good or bad. You know, as far as it goes with, you know, addiction and things like that. So I've had some interesting conversations as well around cultures and and backgrounds and things like that. And, and I wonder if that might play a role in it. You know, when I think of folks from Louisiana, I mean, you really are like, in the in the most respect ever, but like, you are totally, not totally, but you're you're your own people, you're unique in you with the, you know, with your French background, and historically speaking, and then of course, the best food, I would maybe argue in the world comes from your neck of the woods. Going to swamp. Sure. So,

  16:19

  yeah, the swamp I like that. I've never heard that. very apropos. Yes.

  16:27

  So what are your thoughts on that? I mean, you know, I think of like I've had, I had a conversation with a coach, who is Hispanic and and based in I think it was El Paso, so a lot of her population and clientele are, you know, from Mexico or Mexican. And they're not generalizing, of course, but they're not as quick to go see a therapist, as are, I've found in my own experiences with Ireland, and the Irish, having lived there for a while, that they too generalizing, but they too, are not so quick about going to a therapist, just go to the pub for crying out loud. Have a pint, you know, ourselves. Yeah, little self medication. Right. Arthur Guinness and his sons are sure waiting to help you. So what are your thoughts on all that?

  17:21

  Yeah, it's, it's actually a great question. You know, I think that right off the top of my head while not being a sociologist, and, and knowing this, this is just purely, you know, personal opinion. Okay. That I think that somehow they This equates to education, right, like, the more educated you are about the mind, and that's probably probably really like kind of proper schooling, what I'm talking about, right? In the more advanced degrees you have, if you look at the populace, the educated populace of New York in Louisiana, I would, I would like to see that number. I don't know that number. But a better there's a pretty strong correlation between, like the number of ADHD coaches in a certain geographic area, and how educated the populace is. So not saying that, of course, look, I'm completely Cajun French, myself, I'm from South Louisiana, both my maternal parents and maternal grandparents, excuse me, my maternal and paternal grandparents, not my parents spoke Cajun French, so I know them as French speaking people, right. So I'm very much a, you know, a True Blood page, you know, what they would call but typically, you know, we came over on a boat, and we were kinda like grunts and we kind of worked our way to where we are now, you know, so it wasn't like this was the bastion of education in South Louisiana. You know, it was working class people. Right. And we've built a long way. So I think to answer your question, is, it probably equates with the level of the educated populace. I'm not 100% sure with that, but I think that there would be a strong correlation there.

  19:27

  Uh, you know, I recall hearing that Jamie Oliver, the famous chef from the UK has ADHD. He's, he's one of one of many, of course. And I'm curious about what your thoughts are on chefs, you know, and maybe, and I think chefs obviously having mentioned earlier you know, the great food that comes from Louisiana, the Cajun and Creole food, and of course, I'm speaking with you before lunch, which is a shame. Now I'm really hungry. Have you had any? Yeah. Have you learned anything about that, like? Well, the correlations are great. Yeah. I love

  20:08

  this. This is cool. What you're going into I didn't expect this to go here. But this is really cool. This is fun. You know what, on the chef side, okay, what what are what are chefs? Right? They're creative types. Right? Aren't they? I mean, they're just they're artists with food, right? I mean, and that's why I look at chefs. So creativity is a hallmark of ADHD. Okay, of course, that if you know, anything about ADHD, impulsivity is, you know, it's kind of like it's very common. And, okay, what do I mean by impulsivity? It could be impulsivity and speech. You know, like blurting out something or oversharing information. It could be impulsive shopping, you know, spending too much money, like I you know, at deers go into a bookstore and walk out with 15 books, even though they won't read one by the end of the month, you know, so, you know, in. So, why am I talking about impulsivity? Well, there's never been anything creative. That was at first an impulsive thought. Right. So it's kind of the brainchild of creativity. And then this creativity, of course, fits right into the mold of Chef. Right. And then not only that, oh, also that a lot of ADHD is crave on excitement, right? We want stimulation to the brain. We, we like putting out fires, like we like problems that require adrenaline, right? It gets our brain moving. And what better to do that into a major kitchen at dinnertime right? When the chefs are going wild. Right? Yeah, kind of like that brain. Like, like the emergency room physicians, we see ADHD, right, same type of environment, right? Where we're constantly being stimulated, and we don't have to worry about getting bored. Of course, boredom is our kryptonite. Right? Like, you know, there's a lot of similarities between an ADHD brain and the chef's brain. Yeah,

  22:30

  I can. Yeah, I can see I can see that completely. I, I also worked in I've worked in a restaurant as a cook and as a server several times over the years and never a chef, but certainly as a cook. And yeah, it was. Yeah, it just completely makes sense. The adrenaline you feel working in a kitchen? If anybody has not listen or watch? Have you watched the bear yet?

  22:59

  I have. I watched the first season. Okay. I watched Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And

  23:05

  for folks, you know, with with ADHD listening or, you know, at an interest, I absolutely love that show, by the way. I I'm a bit of a kind of a film nerd. And yeah, it's, it's so

  23:18

  I'm a little bit of a film nerd myself. It's funny for that, but I did really enjoy that show. Yes, yeah.

  23:25

  They perfectly capture the intense insanity. That is working in a kitchen in a restaurant. Absolutely. And the second season's great as well. No spoilers of course. Okay, so tell me, you know, from from the clients that you've served over over the years, and and the, you know, the research you've done, what, you know, if someone's listening right now, who thinks they have ADHD or maybe someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD, you know, what are what are some some tips that you would some advice you would give them? Well,

  23:59

  you know, I think I have to put a little asterix here, Dave, that, you know, that really every person is very different in how it presents itself. I know we can kind of talk about distractibility, impulsive, impulsivity, you know, hyperactivity sensitivity and emotional dysregulation, you know, and executive functioning issues, but the every really person is very individual. And so when I meet them we're working through of, okay, how is ADHD affecting your life right now? And what do you really want out of a coach, right? And then we figure out, you know, this is what we want. And of course, that's very different to every individual person, but we first have to find out what they really really want. Right? And that's what I would suggest to people is to so many ADHD errs are in careers are in relationships that don't serve them. Right? It's not who they are that the capital W H O. Right, like. So I suggest that people really try to find out who they are, you know, what do they value? You know, what makes them tick. Right? And then I say that because I think with the neurodiverse crowd and ADHD, or anybody with executive functioning levels, sometimes we can really struggle with that. Right? So I'll get people that that look me up. And the first thing I want to know was, is what do you want? Right? Like, what do you want out of your life? Right there? Those are big questions, right? And I really suggest people do a deep dive into this. And to really write out, like, if I could live my best life, what would it look like, right? And once we have that idea of what they really, really want, okay, because I say really, really twice, because ADHD is one everything a lot of times, right, like, and they're interested in everything. But there are some things that we are really, really interested in. Right. And that's the first thing I want to do is I want to find out where you want to go. And once we find out that, then that clarity provides us some motivation to move forward. Okay, so how are you going to be motivated, they for a job that you're kind of half and half out on? Right, I need to find something that lights you up, right? And that I don't have to beat you over the head to get you out of bed in the morning. So once that clarity is found, and your strength of purpose and who you are, then we can move towards other executive function skills. And let's like the nuts and bolts of trying. So the first big thing is to find out, you know, where we're going, right?

  27:12

  Are there ways what are some some tips that you recommend or strategies that somebody can, can do to better understand themselves? And what those those wants? Are? Those go? Yeah,

  27:25

  well, that basically, it's, I would give them like a values exercise for one, okay, like, what do you really value and there's ways that you can go through it to looking looking at separate words, and you'll even like, have a list of, let's say, 100 values. And there's exercises where you go, and you take those values, and you really pare it down to a core seven or eight, right. And also the same thing with strengths, right? I want to find out what your real strengths are. So there's a Character Strengths Assessment, like, and I think people can go online, the VIIa character strengths is, I think it's a free to, if they go online, and Google VIIa Character Strengths Assessment, they can do a quick little test, and it'll come back with the top five strengths that you have. And that could be you know, whatever, creativity, humor, you know, when you get these things that you're like, oh, yeah, I'm pretty good at that. Right? And it's because we naturally are pulled toward our strengths, right? So once you get this values down, once you get these strengths down, you can start to try to start weaning away things that you know, you don't want to do. Right? So it's almost like this process of elimination to get to where you want to be. Also, I'm a big, I'm a big writing guy are really, you know, our brains with ADHD, we all have this cognitive hyperactivity, right? You hear the word hyperactive, and we think of just the physical part of it. But if you have ADHD, you have cognitive hyperactivity. Okay. Like, there is no way you don't you think, and you think hard, and you probably thinking too much. Right? Like, then. So what I'm trying to do is to get you from thinking to action, right? That's what we're trying to do. We're trying to move you from that from from the limbic system, which is to fight or flight to more prefrontal cortex, right more. That's the executive functioning part of your brain, the task management, the task initiation, the task completion, you know, the focus, you know, the organizing, the scheduling, all these things that we struggle with. So, having that plan in going ahead is how we can get going with the With the executive functioning and increase that size, increase your activity, increase your action, right. And so we pare it down, we pare it down, and we pare it down, and then we have a solid goal. And then we can find the motivation, because you have your strengths you have what you value. And then now what else is holding us back and quite frequently a coach, is what we're doing. We all develop the stories and paradigms, like for our life, because they fit cleanly in these little boxes, Dave, I mean, it's like, you know, we all have these ideas of how to live our life. And you know, what it is, and our, our clean definitions. The problem with it is Dave, our stories sometimes are not right. You know, like, we believe things that are not correct. And when a client of mine starts talking, and I will tell them, they're wrong, right? I let him kind of repeat what they say and just be silent. And they say, I don't think that this sounds very correct. You know, I am not always this way, right? This all or nothing thinking, this cognitive distortion talk that we hear so much of so many of our stories are wrong about who we are about what the world is, right? So it takes almost us to verbally process that to a coach and a coach to listen to that. And to point out where maybe there's some inconsistencies and what the thought is, do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. The change? And why would somebody be hesitant to look at their story, we don't like change thing. We, it's very uncomfortable. You know, for us reprogramming the way we see the world, it's kind of stressful. So we have this internally, we don't want to go inside and look at these big questions, because it brings up anxiety for us. And we're trying to avoid anxiety at all costs. I mean, ADHD are very familiar with avoidance tendencies. Like we avoid things and we play on our phones, we play games, on our computers, we watch Netflix, we zone out, we know how to avoid what we have to be doing. You know, we gamble, we drink, we, you know, all these avoidance tendencies to facing what we really need to face. And a lot of what coaching does Dave is to get you to look at these uncomfortable feelings and kind of step towards them and stop running away from them. Right start

  32:53

  to get a better understanding of yourself, as you said, you know, you're absolutely us and what you can contribute to the world. And then I believe there's a level of sort of self respect and self acceptance that has to come as well. Have you found any strategies to help with that?

  33:20

  You know, actually, I did a lot of work on my own Dave and the self, you know, self love, is really kind of cliche. It's like you hear it all the time now, and, but really, you know, when you've been told that you're wrong for so many years with ADHD in this neurotypical society, you know, to say that it has an effect on the shame and guilt you may feel. I mean, it's, a lot of my clients are really holding a self, a negative opinion of self when they come. So really, really, I focus on this getting better with yourself par and I don't know if you're familiar with Tara Brach. She or I recommend her readings. And she does a lot of self self love work, you know, meditation in any kind of way that you can give your brain a break from the constant thoughts that are running through it that as well but I'm a big big proponent of this self, love, self acceptance part of it, right? And actually, it is the foundation of my coaching. I use it as the slab of everything else. If we don't have that self acceptance and self love, we don't have anything. We can't do anything. We will not be able to love if we don't have it for ourselves. You cannot give what you do not have. Right. So it's so so important and Um, you know, so there's a lot of work a lot of times that has to be done in that area. And we'll work with certain tower brach has these meditations. And she's written a couple of books that I recommend. And you know, it's really important. I'm very glad you brought that up, because that would have been a big missing if I didn't even talk about that at all, because it's the foundation of everything that I do for

  35:29

  books. You know, she's got radical acceptance and yes, radical self acceptance, which was a different quit, but the most I think her most recent was radical compassion. And is there one that stood out to you most that was helpful. I haven't read

  35:50

  radical compassion yet, but I did reach that radical self acceptance. And I've heard her she she has a lot of YouTube videos. And you know, I even I was like, you know, an add or so I dove deep into this whole side of it, they but I got into Pema Trojan, who is basically a Buddhist nun. And she's written a couple of great books on, you know, looking at yourself, and, you know, just giving you're looking into the suffering and stepping into it instead of running away. Pema children, it's CH, O, D, R. O. N, I think her last name is. But things fall apart, I think she wrote, which I love. She's on the Buddhist side of it, of course, I'm a Christian, but I'm very open to other faiths. And, you know, I'm kind of one of these guys that thinks we're all trying to get to the same place, you know?

  36:57

  Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of disappointed people at the end of things to find out they were running labor, you know, with the wrong team. Are you? Yes. Oh, I should have known. Exactly, no, but

  37:13

  um, yeah, her book, the places that scare you, I love. And when things fall apart, like those two books, you know, what I said earlier about us walking into our uncomfortableness, right, and just being with it, instead of trying to run from it. There's a lot of wisdom in that, right? Like us, like, we got, we have to stop avoiding, we have to step into this uncomfortable this and a lot of times, they when we step into it, we realize that it wasn't this big bear that we built it up to be, you know, and that is such a big, it's such a thing to learn. And as you're growing with self, and to realize that, wow, that is just another big story that I told myself about this, and this and this, and it just wasn't as bad as I made it out to be why didn't I step into it? years ago, you know,

  38:14

  is there as far as immunity goes, any tips around ADHD? Or is kind of finding one another? Because it can be especially lonely when you realize that you have ADHD? I mean, you mentioned yourself how many people are out there who are undiagnosed and don't even you know, they don't realize it. So, but I do find that that in my short time here that ADHD ears tend to kind of gravitate towards one another. But are there any ways to kind of help cure sort of this loneliness epidemic that we're facing in a way to kind of bring bring folks together I'm hoping to do some meetups with for why squirrels you know, when I when I travel, kind of, you know, trying to encourage people to get out and

  39:06

  oh, man, like you were like speaking to, like such an important important part of this. And unfortunately, we got to we have a long way to go. Now, Chad is a large national organization I'm sure you're familiar with, they have different support groups and cities that ch add.org its children and adults with ADHD large if you go to their website, they usually have support groups. Adha is another large organization add a that's Attention Deficit suits with the use of the ancient but they also have online meeting places and I do think they Do some in person stuff.

  40:03

  Yeah, I'm a big believer in in person, I think, especially to America, I think we're all kind of tired of looking at webcams. Me

  40:10

  too. Me too. So that's add.org is another resource. That's it, they do a really good job of trying to, to get people together. I am also a big believer in in person meetings. I think that they're there. I just think they're more effective. You know, I think, and really, when you get a De Beers together, Dave, it's pretty, it's pretty, it's pretty incredible. You know, you find these similarities. And I don't know, if everyone and all your listeners know, but there's really, they're good hearted people. You know, they're sensitive types. They're very caring. And, you know, they understand what you're going through, you know, maybe not exactly, I mean, but they have their own issues. And like when you get us together, like for the International Conference, but when you get all of us together talking, it's really it's really special. I mean, it really is, it's because we were almost like brothers and sisters, because we we start talking and everybody's like, Oh, my headstock shaken up and down. It's like, oh, yeah, me too. Me too. And that that power of connection is real. And I'm a big believer in and I'm glad you brought that up as well.

  41:35

  Yeah, I just think it's so important to, to, to meet one another, you know, back in the early days of Twitter, or x, or whatever it's called now. You know, we used to do tweet ups. When we when I would travel, I would just plan tweet ups and meet up with your Twitter, for instance, back when foyer was not the cesspool burning dumpster that it is now. Whatever, yeah. But now that this has been this has been really great. Matt, is there anything that I didn't mention or ask you about something, anything else that I didn't touch on that that you'd like to mention?

  42:13

  No. I think, like, if anything, I would like to say that people, for people to speak up and reach out. One of the things that I've found with ADHD is it can be very isolating, as you've said, and we kind of add years kind of like, we want to kind of do it on our own, so to speak, we don't like really being told what to do. And it took me a long time to learn that side of it out that actually by reaching out for support, that's a step of growth in itself, like knowing how to ask for help. Right? So, you know, that's what I would implore your listeners to do. If you're struggling maybe with focus, or, you know, of course, the comorbidity we did have haven't even talked about anxiety and depression that was so prevalent with ADHD, right? And I struggled with that for most of my life myself, because I didn't understand my ADHD. But if you reach out for support, reach out for help. Know that there are people that think and feel like you, you're not alone, you know, and I implore people to, to, to do what it takes to contact, whoever it may be, maybe your local physician to maybe get a proper diagnosis, tell them that, you know, look at go to Chad, go to ad a, and seek out a support group. So that's one thing I would say is don't suffer in silence, that like that first step to support is your first step to a new life. You know, and sometimes we need help, and don't be afraid to ask for it.

  44:02

  That's great advice. Thank you. How can folks get a hold of you and learn more about your work?

  44:10

  I am of course on pray with coaching WWW dot gray wolf coaching.com. That's Greywolf CLh ch ing.com. Also on Instagram, gray wolf coat, gray underscore wolf underscore coaching. And they can reach me at my website, they can shoot me an email, and I'd love to talk to you. If there's anything I can help you with or directly to support. Please reach out to me. I I know a lot of other coaches. I specialize in college students and adult executives but I do know a number of great coaches that do younger children that do you know, like from five year old and up, you know, so they start very young. So if anybody just reaches out to me, I'll be happy to help you any way I can.

  45:05

  Matt, this has been awesome. Thanks a million for joining me. This is this has been really helpful. Oh

  45:11

  man, it's been it's been my pleasure. Thanks for having me on day. Thanks for doing what you do and spreading this. This is just another voice of promise to so many people you know