PODCAST. Sex, Productivity, and Misinformation with Dr. Ari Tuckman.
How ADHD Shapes Sex, Productivity, and Fighting Misinformation with Dr. Ari Tuckman.
What happens when your struggles with productivity quietly spill over into your relationship—or even your sex life? Why does so much misinformation about ADHD still swirl around (I’m talking to you, New York Times), and how can you protect yourself from it?
In this episode of the ADHD Wise Squirrels podcast, I sit down with Dr. Ari Tuckman, a psychologist, speaker, and five-time author, to discuss his brand-new ADHD Productivity Manual. With over 25 years of experience specializing in ADHD, Ari breaks down how understanding yourself, whether you’re neurodivergent or not, can dramatically improve your daily life, your relationships, and yes, your intimacy.
Giveaway has closed.
What We Talk About:
SEX & ADHD: How untreated ADHD doesn’t just impact to-do lists but can also erode the trust and connection that keep intimacy alive. Ari explains why sniping over chores might quietly kill your sex life and how getting more organized could literally get you laid.
MISINFORMATION: We dive into the dangerous myths still circulating about ADHD in major publications and on TikTok. Ari and Dave call out irresponsible reporting that scares people away from seeking diagnosis or treatment, and we talk about why spreading only half the story is so harmful. We shared our disappointment in the New York Times and New York Times Magazine for running the harmful article, “Have We Been Thinking About A.D.H.D. All Wrong?” by journalist Paul Tough.
PRODUCTIVITY (Without Overwhelm): From bullet journals collecting dust to systems we abandon for novelty’s sake, we explore how to find approaches that actually stick. Ari shares why boring but consistent often beats exciting and complicated, because it keeps you out of panic mode.
Additionally, we share stories about messy calendars, examine the “parent-child” dynamic that can emerge in ADHD relationships, and emphasize the importance of knowing, respecting, and connecting with yourself (the three pillars of my Root Down framework and keynote presentation about ADHD).
👉 If you’ve ever wondered how ADHD impacts your trust, love life, or the very soundtrack running through your mind, you won’t want to miss this one. Don’t forget to pick up a copy of The ADHD Productivity Manual.
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Ari Tuckman: Hi there. So, this is Ari Tuckman. I'm a psychologist. I've been working in the field of ADHD for 25 years now, which is kind of shocking to me. And I do a whole bunch of presenting. I've got five books. I actually have my brand new book out is the ADHD Prohibity Manual,…
Ari Tuckman: which I'm super psyched about. it's hot off the presses. And yeah, I'm really excited as always to talk ADHD and as always to talk about getting stuff done.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: Thank you for being here. I mean, I'm thrilled to speak with you and congrats on the new book. I know it's not an easy feat writing a book in the first place and I've been there. so yeah, and I'm still there with my next book, but I don't have a publishing deal with my next book.
Dave Delaney: I'm self-publishing, but because of that, I also don't have a contract, and I didn't get an advance, and I don't have a legal obligation to deliver chapters on time. And so, for somebody with ADHD, that makes it a little less pressing.
Ari Tuckman: Yep.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. that is the double-edged sword. I actually self-published this book as well because I just sort of felt like I…
Ari Tuckman: I don't know what I'm getting from a publisher given what I'm giving and the timeline of how long it takes and I don't know what I'm getting. So, I've been very happy with self-publishing, but definitely you are only answerable to yourself. that is definitely a challenge.
Dave Delaney: Yes. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: And, I mean, it's kind of more broadly a challenge anyway of if you're an entrepreneur, if you work for yourself or even just in general, all that stuff that nobody else is sort of holding you accountable to. definitely those are the harder things. It's got to come from within or it doesn't happen. No, no.
Dave Delaney: Were all your books self-published or some traditionally published? Okay.
Ari Tuckman: The first four were, standard publishers and then, this one I shopped it around a little bit for agents.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yes.
Ari Tuckman: Couldn't convince any of them that, there's actually a market for another book on ADHD. which is actually good. in the end, I'm actually really glad that that's how it worked out. And then I did the whole self-publishing thing. I hired a consultant who knows the whole self-publish because I don't want to learn how to upload and format stuff to every different account and all the blah blah blah I don't need to know that. I don't want to spend my time on it. So, she was awesome. She did all the backend stuff, gave me advice and I think again we can draw lessons from anything I think…
00:05:00
Ari Tuckman: but that was not the thing I wanted to spend my time on, It's not that I couldn't have done it, but I don't want to learn it. it isn't worth my time and then uploading it wrong and…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. But there's a good message there really…
Ari Tuckman: then yelling at my computer and then wasting time trying to figure out what is the tiny little thing that forget it. So yeah. Mhm.
Dave Delaney: which is for anyone regardless of their neur neuroype. But it's, knowing your limitations, but also, delegating or outsourcing or whatever you need to do because especially with ADHD, I mean, I've learned this firsthand that obviously we get really hyperfocused on the work that we enjoy doing most and then distracted by really cool outlets and…
Dave Delaney: then, have to remind ourselves to get back to work. But I digress.
Dave Delaney: But also, yeah, we neglect the things that we know we need to do that that are just not sexy. And so, you've got to kind of outsource or figure out a way to make them work. And it's hard because as a solarreneur myself,…
Ari Tuckman: Yep. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: it's really like if the trash isn't cleared out of my office tonight, it's like, I am also the janitor and the CEO, right? So, someone's got to do it. I love the Eisenhower ma matrix which I've included on wispals.com which I expect you're familiar with but that's a good I have it I looked up here because I have it above my wall pinned on my wall to remind me throughout the day is this something important something I need to be doing.
Dave Delaney: that. yeah. So, yeah, I've been excited to speak with you on the show and…
Ari Tuckman: Mhm.
Dave Delaney: to talk about obviously ADHD. I mean, I know you've shifted focus over the years to focus a lot around couples and around intimacy and how that applies to ADHD. And then also just knowing that my audience here is, late diagnosed adults, so people that have been adopted adopted have been diagnosed, relatively recently. what are some thoughts on how ADHD affects intimacy? and I will preface it too.
Dave Delaney: I don't know if you had a chance to listen to my interview with Melissa Orlov. but she talked one main thing that she said that really stood out to me because it might have rung true a little bit is the parent child dynamic that occurs not intentionally So what are your thoughts?
Ari Tuckman: Yes. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: What are your thoughts on all this stuff?
Ari Tuckman: I mean, look, Bliss is always great,…
Ari Tuckman: so that's awesome. but I mean,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Sure.
Ari Tuckman: absolutely. it is definitely a thing that we bring all of our self to our relationships, And hopefully in most ways that's good. And also we annoy each other, we want different things in different ways, different times. And that could include things like when do you load the dishwasher? It could also include things like when do we rip each other's clothes off and have some fun. So, …
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: so definitely if you're not managing your ADHD it's going to affect lots of parts of your life, including, your relationship and including your sex life. Because the thing is, if you're kind of sniping at each other all day, that's not sexy, I mean,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: it might be a thing of I definitely do want to have sex, but it's not with you. I'm kind of pissed at you now, so don't even look at me,
Dave Delaney: Yeah. You need the air quotes.
Ari Tuckman: So part of having a better sex life is working on your relationship and part of working on your relationship is kind of getting stuff done. So even my productivity book is going to I don't know, I'll just sort of say it is going to get you laid more often. You know what I mean? I don't want to say that that should be your only motivation to work on your ADHD, but I will take the motivations I can get that are available with clients sometimes. So yes.
Dave Delaney: Get more done.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah, exactly. nudge,…
Dave Delaney: How about Yes.
Ari Tuckman:
Ari Tuckman: wink. Yep. so it does matter…
Dave Delaney: Yes. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: but also having fun with your partner whether it's sex or just hanging out or going and doing something like that's really important because again you will annoy each other like that is a thing that happens when people live together and…
00:10:00
Dave Delaney: And do you find that…
Ari Tuckman: you need those good feelings you need that sort of goodwill to kind of bounce over those potholes and not get stuck in them.
Dave Delaney: because I know obviously and I've always preface this show by always adding that I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on the internet. You are. So I will obviously lean to you here.
Dave Delaney: But my understanding at least anecdotally is that ADHDers tend to find one another. we tend to really connect with other ADHDers. Do you find in your practice that couples tend to be both ADHDers or…
Dave Delaney: or more like one neurodeiverse and one neurotypical or what are your thoughts on that?
Ari Tuckman: Yeah, I mean there are definitely those couples.
Ari Tuckman: And on the one hand, if you both have ADHD, you have some perhaps similarity of experience and there's an understanding.
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: It's sort of like, we both grew up in the Midwest or we're both, I don't know, hockey fans or something, whatever the similarities are. and I don't know if these are over represented in the people I see because they're struggling more, but there is more that thing. And this is Ned Hallowell's line. I wish I could claim this was mine, but where he said, "Those with attention deficit tend to marry those with attention Meaning the detail oriented, on top of stuff, thinking ahead, getting stuff done kind of people. and it does make sense, there's totally a complimentarity. The person with ADHD obviously benefits from the structure and the consistency and the whatever.
Ari Tuckman: But also equally important, let us not forget this other part of it is the more sort of getting stuff done person benefits from the sort of the liveless,…
Ari Tuckman: the energy, what, put it down, let's do something fun also, Let's not wait to be a hundred before we live kind of a thing, So there's absolutely a benefit that goes both ways in those relationships.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: And when you are working well together, when you feel like you're part of a team, when there's that goodwill, it's great, Because you don't need someone exactly like you, you've got that covered. the problem is when there's too big a difference,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: when you're not working well together, when you feel like you're in a tugof- warar that's sort of a zero sum, right? Then man are you going to struggle.
Dave Delaney: And that's sort of gets into that what I mentioned with Orlav that parent sort of dynamic.
Dave Delaney: do you come across that or what's your take on that? Right.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah, absolutely. that is definitely a thing that can happen. And you could call it parent child, you could call it underfunctioner, but you get this kind of tugofwar that develops where the non-ADHD partner tends to sort of think further down the road of we need to take care of this and we got to take care of that and remember there's this thing, And that could be two days from now, we're having company over so we should think about what we're going to cook and maybe vacuum. But it could also be things like six months from now the kids are going to be off of school.
Ari Tuckman: Maybe we should find a summer camp that, is not, being investigated by, child protective services or something, right? So, …
Dave Delaney: Right. Right.
Dave Delaney: Right. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: so, there's that, but then, the partner with ADHD, not that they don't care about these things, but it doesn't hit their radar as early, right? So, there's this thing of okay, fine, I'll get there. I'll get there, or not now, or yes, I will. but then they forget to do it and then that's the tugof-war, right? So, the person,…
Ari Tuckman: the nonADU partner just has way too much on their mental radar and is always sort of chasing and nagging and following up and micromanaging. And nobody wants that. it sucks to do it and it sucks to be on the receiving end of it.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: And I think a lot of the time the ADHDer, or why squirrel as I like to say,…
Dave Delaney: but the ADHDer can feel that they're primarily the blame for all of the problems. How can we blame our spouses? Asking for a friend. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yep.
00:15:00
Ari Tuckman: Right. That really the important thing here.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. How are we going to win at the end of the day now? Sure.
Ari Tuckman: But that's the thing, it looks really obvious that the person with ADHD is the cause here. If you would just do a few more things earlier, then we'd have nothing to argue about, and it's not an insane idea, there's some validity to that, but of course, it's not 100% of the truth. It's 50%, right? Because every relationship is a twoperson job, right?
Ari Tuckman: And I say this not only to make the person with ADHD feel better,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: that they're not 100% of the blame, but also because I want the nonADHD partner to recognize that they have agency here, too. That there are things that they can do differently that will change the dynamic of what happens and allow them to be happier in the relationship. Because otherwise, the problem is saying, "It's all your fault, honey. you need to do is it's hoping for a sunny day, I have as much control over what happens tomorrow on the weather as I do hoping my spouse does it different,…
Ari Tuckman: …
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Right.
Ari Tuckman: and by the way, we've had 8 million conversations. If you haven't convinced them yet, I don't think today is the day. You know what I mean? and I hate to say it also, finding some therapists who agree with you is also not going to be the thing that's going to win the day. so instead,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. And…
Ari Tuckman: what can each partner do differently in a variety of ways to change the dynamic of what happens so both people feel happier about how things turn out? Mhm.
Dave Delaney: what are some of those let's say three things for each person assuming they're different neurotypes let's say what are three things that each partner could
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Heat.
Ari Tuckman: …
Ari Tuckman: one of the things I talk about is this idea of rather than making your case, make a request, So, we often get into these debates about things. We sort of argue the merits, So, it could be stupid things like, do the bowls go in the upper rack or the lower rack of the dishwasher? Or it could be things like how much money are we spending or how much can you spend alone without checking with your partner or how much sex are we having or what are we doing with the kids or right and some of these are big topics that definitely require more discussion but for some things maybe the answer is just what I'm just asking we just do it this way right we're not gonna debate whether my way is better right and
Ari Tuckman: maybe if it's sort of a thing where for you it's not as big a deal,…
Ari Tuckman: then you just say "Okay, what? Yeah, that's fine. I'll go with you on that one." But also, sometimes you're going to go with me on what I'm requesting of you, In that you don't have to agree in order to do something, right? You could just say,…
Dave Delaney: Mhm. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: "I understand It's not important to me, but you're important to me. So, sure, I'm going to do something with that. She's in attention access by the way.
Dave Delaney: That's really helpful And I'll give you an example of that where and I've mentioned it on the show before where my wife she's a school teacher. She's very an analog and digital too. She's a librarian so she's got to be. so yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.
Dave Delaney: But she's got the magnetic calendar that she keeps on the fridge and she diligently fills it all out with…
Dave Delaney: what the kids are doing and what we're doing and so on which is great. I never ever look at it. but around that time or maybe before even I had started a digital calendar.
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: As an entrepreneur and a business owner, I need my own calendar, but then I have another one for Y squirrels and…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Mhm.
Dave Delaney: another one for this and that. So,…
Dave Delaney: so I created a family calendar and just asked her if she wouldn't mind adding the stuff as she adds it to the written thing to add it to the Google calendar. And we buted heads a little bit on getting that done. And finally just I guess she gave up and she said, "All right." and she started doing it and…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: and I do too.
Dave Delaney: And I find it so incredibly helpful because I can layer on my calendars and see, okay, tonight we're doing this. And it's not just her having to add things.
Dave Delaney: I add them, too. So, when I see things that are coming up or maybe we're going out for dinner with a couple friends, I'll add that to the calendar. So, we always have this clear outlook of what's coming in the way that best suits us. So, …
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:00
Ari Tuckman: So, let me discuss this because there's a number of things that you going on here that make this good for you guys, there's reasons plural why this is effective. So, the calendar on the fridge is great for her and that's awesome. I'm glad she's found something that works, but it is not great for you. you say you don't look at it. I would probably go so far as to say it's invisible. You don't see it. It's just gone,…
Dave Delaney: there's food on the other end.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Exactly.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Right.
Ari Tuckman: So this would be a place to get caught in an argument. This is great. It's right here. You stand right in front of it. you should just look at it. Why aren't you just right? And we could be 400 years old and you're still not looking at the goddamn calendar on the fridge, So it's clearly not going to work as the couples as the joint calendar. So you requesting put it into the Google calendar, I am much more likely to see it. if you want me to act on the things that are on the calendar, this is the better way to do it. Right now, of course, she could make the counterargument, look, I'm putting it somewhere. Why is it my job to now do a second thing and put it in the calendar?
Ari Tuckman: And I will grant That is a small amount of extra work for you, but I would ask you, wife, is it better for you that he shows up at the right things and knows what's going on? Is that worth the 27 seconds it takes to add it into the Google calendar? And probably the answer is If her life is better by putting it into the Google calendar, then it's worth it to her, right? She's not managing you.
Ari Tuckman:
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah,…
Ari Tuckman: She's managing her own happiness. your part of it is then you need to look at the goddamn Google calendar, You can't then be like, " I didn't see it." Right? Because then she's going to say, "Okay, why am I doing this if you're not doing your part?" Right? So it's definitely reasonable for her to expect you…
Dave Delaney: that's right.
Ari Tuckman: then to look at the thing that you said this is but the thing about what I like about shared calendars for not necessarily every family but many of them is kind of what you said right here's a thing that came up. Bam. Put it in. None of this at dinner seven hours from now. honey. yeah. So I ran into the neighbors and on Sunday we're going to do a barbecue, right? Because…
Ari Tuckman:
Dave Delaney: Right. Right.
Ari Tuckman: then you get those super fun arguments of who told what and who didn't and did you not remember or so that is just a good ADHD friendly strategy but it's frankly just a good busy family strategy.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. What are some other examples of things that couples getting back to that maybe three things or…
Dave Delaney: or whatever it is like the ideas that each spouse or partner can do.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: So, one of the things I definitely recommend especially for busy families where you got kids going in a bunch of directions and especially if your job isn't necessarily a straight 9 to5 I will always be home at 5:30 kind of thing. is doing at least once a week, but doing a fam not maybe a family meeting depending if your kids are old enough, but at least a couple's meeting of what's the deal for this week?
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: 's going on? What do we need to do? Because those last minute, my god, wait a second. I thought you were doing that. You were taking the kids or whatever. Those are the worst because in the last moment you don't have any options. no good ones, right? As opposed to let's say Sunday morning or Sunday night or whatever. Let's sit down, pull out the calendars, let's talk about this, let's talk about that. Look at Team Snap. really sort of figure it out. But of course,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: for this meeting to be effective, you had to do the premeating, which is you looked at your email, so you saw what's coming. your calendar's actually up tod date with whatever but then there's a discussion about what are we not doing right and kind of so something like one of the kids has play rehearsal till 7 and other one then has soccer okay we can't do both of those or they just move soccer from 7 to 5:30 and that's in the middle of dinner okay sorry we're
Ari Tuckman: Like nobody,…
Ari Tuckman: this is not trials for the Olympics. we're not going to soccer this week. it's not worth making ourselves insane. Or we are going and let's try to figure out how to make it happen. But let's talk as two equals in the cool of a moment, not the heat of a moment,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:00
Dave Delaney: So just having that kind of weekly meeting or…
Ari Tuckman: and let's figure out what we're doing.
Dave Delaney: call it as you w want something it doesn't have to be that formal necessarily…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: but it might be just let's go get a beer let's like whatever yeah true that's a good
Ari Tuckman: And the thing of it is if you're doing this regularly this could be six minutes right like that's it right it's not like this marathon but also it becomes a situation and…
Dave Delaney: All right.
Ari Tuckman: I'm sort of just thinking about this here is kind of speaking of that parent child dynamic in the panic of the moment you fall into the parent child because the nonadiation partner is the person who's thinking about this stuff, realizes there's a problem and has a lot of other balls in the air mentally that they're trying to figure out. But in a calm Sunday morning, you're two equals, right? We're both here.
Ari Tuckman: We're both talking about it. We both have preferences. We both have votes on what we're doing, that is much more a situation of equals and…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: not someone's in charge and someone's reacting. so …
Dave Delaney: Yeah, that's a good point. What are some other strategies?
Ari Tuckman: obviously the thing with ADHD, it's not the knowing, it's Doing the right thing in the right moment, as in here I am, now is time to whatever, right? So, some of this, so a lot of managing ADHD is taking intentions from one moment into the future, right? So, certain things it may just be I'm just going to do it now. Hey honey, can you blah blah blah? Okay, unless I'm really in the middle of something like I'm just going to do it now and then it's done, right?
Ari Tuckman: or if it's a thing of, can you do this thing or hey, I'll take care of this is and I, talk about this sort of in general in the productivity book,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: but this idea of showing people that you're taking it seriously, So, if you just say, while you're looking at your phone and your spouse is like, I will bet $1,000 if I ask them what did you just agree to? They would have no idea, but even if you're like, "Yes, honey, I will do that." But you don't write it down. You don't make a note. You don't do anything to capture the idea. If later you forget to do it, they're going to think to themselves reasonably. You didn't care enough to even like, "I just don't think you cared, right? I didn't see any action on it.
Ari Tuckman: I think you just didn't care and now I'm doubly mad at you." Whereas,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: if you say, "Hold on a sec. let me write a note or let me do a thing to set a reminder or somehow do something with it and then you forget at least you showed that you had good intentions. I mean it's disappointing it didn't happen but now I'm not mad at you because I think you sort of halfassed it.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. That's good. Yeah. I think what happens when you land on a good strategy or a good system or a good process or application or whatever it is and I don't know enough about it besides the fact that there is this novelty curse of ADHD…
Ari Tuckman: Yep.
Dave Delaney: which is that you find the thing that works and it's it works and…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: then suddenly you're like
Dave Delaney: I don't want to do that this way anymore.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. How many people had bullet journals with three pages filled out? Yeah. Is there a secondary market for 97% unused bullet journals?
Dave Delaney: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: So I mean part of it is to just recognize that novelty is always more interesting.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Sir. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: On the one hand I could give the obvious advice of okay, so then mix things up a bit, in as long as it's working I don't care if you write stuff on your hand if that's a reliable enough system then do it but also the sort of slippery slope of novelty is always seeking some new system just because it's new and on the one hand again if that worked great on the other hand if it
Ari Tuckman: isn't really working because you're spending time, finagling the new system rather than using it,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: then that's going to be a problem. But I think that there's an element of, and this is sort of the boring answer nobody likes, but there's an element of just sort of acceptance of this system is no longer sexy, but you know what? It kind of works pretty good. So, I'm just going to sort of accept that boring and reliable is sometimes okay because while it may not be exciting, it does hopefully reduce the number of really exciting panic times,…
00:30:00
Ari Tuckman: when you're like, " my god, I didn't do that thing." Right?
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Which is also exciting,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman:
Ari Tuckman: but in a much more stressful way. but finding a system that is pretty reliable, is definitely easy. Don't overengineer it and make it complicated. Don't if it's annoying to use, you won't do it. That's just human nature,
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: So, finding a system that's pretty good and then really just reminding yourself of the benefits of continuing to use it.
Dave Delaney: And I think the like to your point about the bullet journals,…
Dave Delaney: and I've shared the story before, but the short version is I bought some great journal that's perfect for ADHDers. It's like a planner and all that stuff.
Ari Tuckman: H. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: And it looked amazing.
Dave Delaney: And even it had all these different steps and fields to fill out and stuff in this tangible book and it had QR codes that you could scan and watch videos explaining different steps and different strategies. It was really cool and I could not write my name in it. I carried it everywhere and I couldn't write my name in it and I literally put my computer in another room and just brought the co and brought it to the coffee shop even could not do it.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Mhm.
Dave Delaney: I could not get started. And so I brought it to my therapist and I'm like what do you think of this? And she's like, " yeah. This is great. I love how the layout. I love the design. It's well thought out." I'm like, "Why can't I write my damn name in it?" And "Why can't I get started?" And she's like, "Because that's not how your brain works, Dave." And I was like,…
Dave Delaney: "What?" And after this conversation, I had this light bulb moment. Now, I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, so I'm still looking at my life through the lens of ADHD and learning how my operating system works, right?
Ari Tuckman: Yep. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: and I jotted down Over my normal journal, overwhelm equals paralysis equals stagnation. And then I wrote overwhelm is the enemy. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: I mean overwhelm there's a lot of enemies. I mean this is one of the things I have a whole chapter on overwhelm in the new productivity book but I mean there's also other stuff like ambivalence and ambiguity or having too many ideas there's lots of things but absolutely if you're feeling cognitively overwhelmed then you're going to feel emotionally sort of flooded by it. So, those are the moments either where you just need to walk away. I just got to walk away. Kind of let this settle. Maybe you go for a walk or go for a run or do some push-ups or something, but then sort of stepping back and…
Ari Tuckman: figuring out like, okay, what am I doing here? If you're overwhelmed in the details, pull back and begin to think about the bigger picture. …
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah,…
Ari Tuckman: what am I really trying to accomplish? Why does this matter? What's the important parts of this and what's kind of less important? what am I looking for or what am I trying to do? Or beginning to ask yourself some questions to sort of chop it down to some more manageable amount.
Dave Delaney: that's helpful. So, in your work with couples, what's a subtle way that can ADHD erode trust? not in a dramatic betrayal,…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Absolutely.
Dave Delaney: but in small daily interactions maybe even
Ari Tuckman: It definitely can. And I mean, there's the obvious example of sort of outright lies, hey, did you call the bank today?
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah, they're going to get back no, you didn't call them, or just those sort of lies of omission, right? I didn't tell you I overdrafted the account because I forgot to make the deposit, but I'm with intentionally withholding that and I know you would want to know that that happened. So like that that's a lie of omission. But separate from those sort of outright, untruths, there's also that sort of trust of if you say you're going to do something,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: do I trust you that you're going to do it? and even if I know you believe you are telling me the truth when you say, "Yes, I will take care of this." Still, do I have faith that it's really going to happen? Or do I feel like gh I got to remember tonight to ask him if he actually did it even though in this moment he's swearing on a stack of Bibles? right. Again, that's the obvious ADHD part of this. But let's also remember twoerson, relationships are a twoerson job. There's also the other side of it for the non-ADHD partner,…
00:35:00
Dave Delaney: Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: Are they, becoming sort of over involved in the details? Are they sort of micromanaging? Which also breaks trust because you're an independent adult and I'm treating you like a kid, Or when tonight I ask you "Hey, did you ever make that phone call?" And you're like, " damn it. I didn't do it. Do I then blow up and get mad at you? Do I guilt you? Do I break into tears and fall apart? Do I ice you out for the rest of the night? Right? It's sort of like I've got a saying, you can't punish the truth and expect honesty.
Ari Tuckman: So obviously the non-ADHD partner isn't going to be happy about this, but there are perhaps by which I mean definitely better ways of responding to this moment.
Ari Tuckman: There's also maybe better ways last night to set this up in the first place. including even what, my day is insane tomorrow. I'm not going to make a promise I really don't think I'm going to be able to do this tomorrow. Not because I'm forgetting.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: I'm looking at my calendar and it's just not going to happen. And if you need me to tell you I'm going to do it, you're setting me up to lie to you because I don't think I will. but then they have to be able to hear that. Right? Because if you say no, you have to find a time to do it. then you're giving your partner two bad options. Either we're going to have a fight about it right now or agree to something that's probably not going to work out and then we're going to have a fight about it tomorrow.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: So, I mean, I love that honest approach of just being honest and setting the stage saying it's just not feasible. I found I don't remember where I saw it but this strategy rather than getting into a fight in the moment of just saying and I speak for myself here…
Dave Delaney: but the impulsive natures of my operating system where I might say respond instantly with my opinion whatever when really at least in my opinion it should me taking a beat and saying, "You know what? this sounds great or this sounds worth exploring or discussing. Can you give me 24 hours just to think about it or ruminate on it?" …
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: and then let me get back to you on it. Just, my head's I've got a lot on my mind right now and I need some time to think about it.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: that way I think it's not just that you're using that to pro procrastinate or to just skip, as an excuse to put it on the back burner, but I really think that moment of you just wanting to push back or be argumentative, not wanting to, but just naturally maybe leaning into that,…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: it gives you a minute to just "Yeah, let me think about it." Or what have you.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Exactly.
Ari Tuckman: But let's also be clear that is not procrastination and it is not avoidance.
Dave Delaney: Right. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: This is different and I think it's important to be clear about it. I just don't want to deal with Whatever. I am not in a position to give you the answer you're hoping for. if you want me to really think about this and consider it, this is not the time to do it. but also that's not an ADHD thing.
Dave Delaney: Yeah, Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: That's a person who knows themsself the ADHD thing is okay, I'll talk I'll follow up tomorrow and then I completely forget, maybe that's an ADHD thing. but it's sort of knowing yourself It's sort of advocating for yourself. But I think also that moment of grace and generosity from your partner to be "Okay, fine. I'll give you a day." I think is earned by at other times showing that you are willing to say "Okay, yeah, let's okay, we'll talk about this now or I know this is important to you. Let me write a note."
Ari Tuckman: or the example about you need to make that phone call tomorrow is hopefully we're not waiting…
Ari Tuckman: till the very last day when there's no good options ideally this would have come up before or if it's a day where maybe it's not awesome to squeeze in a phone call but okay sure I'll do it because if I don't…
Dave Delaney: Right. Right.
00:40:00
Ari Tuckman: then you have to so okay yeah here I am putting it into my schedule I've got a break at one for 20 minutes so let me stick that in there with an arm.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: That's how you earn the pass on the day that you're like, "Sorry, man. Just can't do it.
Dave Delaney: No, that makes sense.
Dave Delaney: I've put together a new presentation and called the root down and I've done it several times now and it's kind of three p pillars to and…
Ari Tuckman: right here. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: know yourself the second is to respect yourself and that includes love loving yourself self-awareness and all that or self-awareness is knowing yourself and then the third part is connecting yourself finding others, and I kind of developed this and strategies for each kind of section based on my own life pre ADHD diagnosis. However, I've developed this as a way to like it's for audiences of all neurotypes. It doesn't matter. However, my storyline is my diagnosis with ADHD.
Dave Delaney: And so my secret behind the scenes point of the presentation, I call it my ADHD inspired presentation to know, respect, and connect yourself because I want everybody to be able to apply the lessons learned from it and anybody can, but I also want to educate audiences on…
Ari Tuckman: H.B.
Dave Delaney: what ADHD is and so that to inspire audiences is that if they see it in themselves or they think maybe I do have ADHD that maybe their spouse or someone that they go and get a formal testing from a doctor and then get the treatment they need, if they do have ADHD. and this whole thing with white squirrels started as a way for me to just openly share my experiences with my diagnosis to kind of help remove stigmas and educate people and myself.
Dave Delaney: And then I was inspired enough to create this presentation about it…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah.
Dave Delaney: because when I learned it was Russell Barkley learning about how ADHD can affect your life expectancy untreated and undiagnosed, but life expectancy can be up to 13 years less. that kind of shifted this little passion project of why squirrels to a bit of a mission for me to try to educate people through this. what are some strategies you think that would work in your opinion for these three pillars of respecting yourself and then connecting yourself. So maybe knowing yourself and…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. yeah.
Dave Delaney: and this works for both couples or for both for any neurotype.
Ari Tuckman: I mean it absolutely does, And I do think that knowing yourself is where it begins. And this is the power of an accurate diagnosis.
Ari Tuckman: Certainly ADHD, but we can talk about other stuff too. I mean, my shoulder hurting and the PT knowing what to do is also based on, her knowing me in this case, but what's that?
Dave Delaney: Yeah, sure.
Dave Delaney: No, I said Yeah,…
Ari Tuckman: So, yeah.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah. Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah. So, always knowing yourself is where it begins, Being really clear on it's kind of like there's this one of the original books on adult ADHD was called You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy. And it's an awesome title because it's kind of like that's what you're left with if you don't have this AHD option as an explanation. So understanding, this is why these things are over here but also those things over there and now I can understand these contradictions and whatever. So definitely knowing yourself how you function best, how you don't function, how to set yourself up for better things, how to not take on things that are unlikely to work out well.
Ari Tuckman: So I think the respecting yourself is I mean to me it's that whole thing. It's like acting with integrity. Who do I want to be in the world? How do I want to handle myself?
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: How do I want to be in my relationships? which is the obvious part of I want the people around me to be able to count on me and to be able to be honest and to be able to bring things to me and all that but also I don't want to let people talk badly to me I don't want to be the punching bag in this relationship or I don't want to be that friend that people are like he's late again or whatever right so that is part of respecting yourself right of sort of living and acting with integrity and then the connecting I mean, we are social creatures. We do not do well when we're alone. So, having good friendships, having a primary romantic relationship, having good family relationships, right? And that when you know yourself well and…
00:45:00
Ari Tuckman: respect yourself, you're a better person to connect with.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. No,…
Dave Delaney: that's great. Thanks. Yeah. I love it. I mean,…
Dave Delaney: part of it I talk about how our kids are 18 and 19 now, but I always raised them with the golden rule, Because it's like universal, all religions and non-religions alike. It doesn't matter. It's treat people the way you want to be treated. But I had this revelation too in sort of my own mindfulness practice and just kind of thinking through things that a kind of light bulb moment was also…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: but if you treat yourself like crap that's a problem. and it's hard to practice that golden rule of treating people the way you want to be treated if you don't care how you're treated.
Ari Tuckman: Yes. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: And I think how it connects to ADHD with especially undiagnosed and untreated ADHD is that we're prone to addiction and excess. And so I went through my own bout of drinking too much and smoking full packs of cigarettes in one sitting back,…
Dave Delaney: decades ago and I quit drinking five years ago. what are your thoughts on that on excessiveness addictions and things like that?
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: I mean, I sometimes say that ADHD is a disorder of reliably converting tentions intention in your head, action meaning here I am doing it, And even if we don't go so far as addiction, right? if we use more just mundane stuff that kids with ADHD more often than other kids aren't doing the thing that some adult thinks they should be doing right so kids with ADHD get a lot more sort of commands and…
Ari Tuckman: corrections and…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. 20,000 10 years old I believe is the number.
Ari Tuckman: Exactly right.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: So you're used to being treated more negatively and then I don't know we internalize our sense of oursel by how we're treated by others so you become more willing to tolerate kind of negative behavior. as well as sometimes if you kind of forget to do something you forget and…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: you don't know it happened but the other person knows it didn't happen so then you can also then be hurtful to other people but not intentionally and then this plays out a million times and it just kind of becomes one of those things of I'm not acting like the person I'm not being treated like the person that I want to be, and again it's like this is why that diagnosis of ADHD can be so helpful for both partners or for the whole family. by beginning to change some things and also beginning to accept some other things, this is a thing that won't change.
Ari Tuckman: I wish you were better at being on time, but I know you're working at it and you're definitely less bad at it than you used to be. So, I'm not going to ruin the night because you're 20 minutes late, I am making an active choice within myself to be able to be okay even…
Ari Tuckman: though I don't love it. I'm still slightly annoyed, but I'm going to be okay and not let that annoyance ruin my entire night here.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: What as far as single people …
Dave Delaney: who don't have a spouse or a partner maybe and…
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: and especially I mean I know you work with younger people as well but I mean a lot of the audience for this show are more like older folks like myself.
Dave Delaney: What are your tips and thoughts about dating or…
Dave Delaney: and you constantly see the numbers of and studies around how younger people are not dating anymore, boys are lonely, girls are, flipping through TikTok or whatever it is. I'm kind of generalizing, of course, but what are your thoughts around that?
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: But at the level of group averages, there is truth in it. I mean obviously there's always you are an individual within the group average but …
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: but yeah I mean people are not connecting as much as they used to and the reason is when you and I were kids it was pretty boring to be at home. No offense mom and dad but there wasn't that much to do. So you got out there right? You called your friends You set things up. nowadays unfortunately it's much more entertaining to sit by yourself and that affects not only sort of friendships but definitely also relationships. the dating apps are great in the sense that you can meet people you would never ever cross paths with.
00:50:00
Ari Tuckman: So that can be good, but holy crap is there also a lot of bad that comes of it, and sort of impulsively,…
Ari Tuckman: swiping people, forgetting losing the threat of wait, what was I saying with this person? wait, no, that was the other person who has three dogs, So there's that part of it.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Wow.
Ari Tuckman: And…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: there's that whole thing of do you tell someone you have ADHD and at what point, so,…
Ari Tuckman: so yeah, I mean, the whole dating thing is pretty complicated. and…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: yeah, that's a whole seven podcast series.
Dave Delaney: No, I mean, you're absolutely right.
Dave Delaney: I think sometimes I'm a big believer in the power of proximity and in that anytime you have I mean within reason…
Dave Delaney: but anytime you have an opportunity to just get the hell out of the house and go somewhere and even if you're just going to a coffee shop to work and surrounding yourself with people I mean there is the aspect of body doubling in public and things
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: which I find fascinating. But just working around other people and the energy of that, I think spontaneity is something that still occurs,…
Dave Delaney: but it won't occur if you're sitting in your room or in your house or apartment or whatever by yourself all day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah, I 100% agree with this.
Ari Tuckman: I say, nothing happens from sitting at home. So, yeah, I mean there's absolutely something to be said for being in person in situations like, things happen that you couldn't necessarily predict. I mean sometimes nothing happens but certainly things like going to the conference or the big ADHD conference we do every year in November just things happen from being there random conversations the person you're standing next on the coffee line or you're sitting next to before the presentation begins.
Ari Tuckman: stuff like that.
Ari Tuckman: Or like you said, going to the coffee shop and somehow you bump into someone and some random idea comes up or there's something about you got to be there for something to happen.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: And you mentioned the conference, too. I've been aware of the last two Baltimore and Anaheim and have signed up.
Dave Delaney: Hopefully what I want to do is deliver the root down as a keynote at the conference. that's what I do. I am a keynote speaker,…
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. …
Dave Delaney: So I was a speaker for Google for six years.
Dave Delaney: And so that's where I do my best work is on stages delivering presentations because I weave in a lot of humor, a lot of stories, but then also, I'm pretty anal and diligent about not spreading misinformation which there is no shortage of. Thank you. Even the New York Times magazine and…
Ari Tuckman: I know.
Dave Delaney: NPR, come on guys.
Ari Tuckman: I know.
Dave Delaney: I'm a fan of the New York Times, of course, and I love Terry Gross and Dave Davies is great and planet, but man I don't know if you want to touch on that recent article that you're nodding in agreement.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah.
Dave Delaney: I wrote a long blog post article on…
Dave Delaney: why squirrels mainly just quoting a lot of Ram Russell Barklay's rebuttals.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. there is and…
Dave Delaney: Any thoughts about that?
Dave Delaney: and also just the spread of misinformation across Tik Tok and there's a lot of studies now that show there's a lot of just misinformation out there. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Tik Tok especially tends to have a lot of inaccurate information and the problem is inaccurate information at best is not helpful at worst is harmful. So, you've got your stuff on TikTok that is just I assume it's well-intentioned, they mean but that doesn't mean it's correct or helpful. And then you've got folks who really do know better and yet are actively choosing to do some, to say things that are not valid and will in fact hurt people. And in general, the New York Times, over these last years has had a bunch of really good articles on ADHD, Accurate information that benefits people's lives.
00:55:00
Ari Tuckman: I don't know what the hell happened with that big article in the New York Times magazine. I don't know how that thing slipped by. But the thing of it is, it was a really long article. This guy clearly did his research, This wasn't a 200word blog post, right? He clearly did his research. He got so many things wrong and there were so many sort of omissions, right? things were partially said but not, the counter to it or evidence that suggested sort of one thing was said but evidence that very clearly undermined that argument was left out or…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: sort of questions were asked in a very leading sort of provocative way but not answered. just hanging questions. it is hard for me to believe that this guy did as much research as he did and wrote the article he did without a clear intention going into the article before he wrote the first word. He knew where he was going, right? And I will 100% stand by that opinion of mine. I can't prove it, but that's my opinion. and the thing about it is it hurts people to share inaccurate information. It raises questions about the validity of the diagnosis that are bogus so it scares people away from getting a diagnosis for themsel or for their kid.
Ari Tuckman: It raised questions that it sort of mongered about medication and gave these worstcase scenarios which is sort of like saying have you seen the research on…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: how seat belts people get broken bones from seat belts. Why do we should get rid of seat belts, that is insane obviously but this is what the article did, It shared only that half of the, information and neglected the other half. And that if you're going to talk about the risks and side effects of a treatment, equally, you also have to talk about what are the risks and side effects of not treating.
Ari Tuckman: And what we know about ADHD is that the risks of untreated ADHD are far greater than the risks that come from stimulant medication. And when there are problems with the medication, most of the time it's because it wasn't prescribed well or the accurate was, wrong or incomplete, right? It was more of a user error, which speaks to clinicians out there need better training on diagnosis and treatment. but the thing of it is it hurts people to go without the most effective treatment right they are enduring additional preventable suffering when you give them reasons to doubt the most effective treatment it was this New York Times article 100% did this but also without getting political the RFK Jr.
Ari Tuckman: the current, a cabinet member in the federal government is raising questions and raising fears and suspicions that are 100% not backed up by science,…
Ari Tuckman: this policy statements should be backed by science when it comes to health and wellness. And in this case, they are not.
Dave Delaney: Right. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: I look at it too. I mean I follow politics to an extent. and not to get all political, of course, but one of my biggest concerns about it is because, there are crackpots and conspiracy theorists and things like that. And if they are in line with sort of the current administration's take on an array of different things,…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Another ADHD expert.
Dave Delaney: including, what RFK Jr.
Dave Delaney: is talking about Tommy Tuberville as someone else Yeah. who advocated basically slapping your kids. my concern is that for the people that follow things like RFK Jr. and stuff like that in the current administration. One, again, not getting political, so I'm being careful here, but they tend to be more Republican types or…
01:00:00
Dave Delaney: MAGA types perhaps. And on the other side of things, you've got more of liberal news leftleaning news sources like the New York Times, which is traditionally more left, center left, whatever. And then NPR, which is, public, broadcasting.
Ari Tuckman: Mhm.
Ari Tuckman: Yep. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: So suddenly you've got this mass fire of misinformation coming from both sides of that's kind of…
Dave Delaney: what I'm driving at. And now even you could have Fox News share the P PBS or the NPR story saying, or the New York Times story saying, " and what are like normal people who don't have time to research things because they're normal people trying to get by in life and…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: helping the grown-ups to make the right decisions? it's incredibly troubling.
Ari Tuckman: But it is a weird thing, right? that in terms of RAK's stuff,…
Dave Delaney: Sure.
Ari Tuckman: you have the MAGA people on the right, you've got the crunchy libs on the left who weirdly somehow overlap on some of these topics, which is kind of a, funny and interesting thing, but there is a difference. If some Tik Tocker is saying things, you have a choice to watch or to not subscribe or follower or whatever, that is a choice that you can make for yourself. When it's people in government, they make choices that affect you whether you want to or not, whether you agree or not, that is how government works, right? It's also how businesses work. It's also how families work like whatever.
Ari Tuckman: So I think that there's a fundamental difference in…
Ari Tuckman: what we should expect of the people who make decisions that affect other people without their ability to change it so in that sense I do think that government should be held to a higher standard I think companies also should be held to a higher standard right there's a difference there that compared to you someone whose opinions you think are nonsense,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: you just, don't, follow them. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: But when it's broadcast on a popular podcast or something, that's when problems happen. and that's the thing. And then, I'm well verssed enough in technology and algorithms and AI and the understanding that, even working in broadcast television and print news back in the day, I know enough that if it bleeds, it leads.
Dave Delaney: And so unfortunately these stories that are sensationalized but now adding gasoline to the fire with algorithms and yeah it's yeah…
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Indeed. Yep. I mean,…
Dave Delaney: what a note to wrap things up on. what do you have any questions for me at all? anything that we didn't really get into productivity, so might get you back for another episode, but any thoughts. Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: I think the thing that I would say is all of this stuff connects. that the better you understand yourself, ADHD and otherwise, the more effective you're going to be in terms of doing the things that are important to you. It's also going to make you a better person to live with or to be a friend of or to work with or whatever, So definitely these things connect and the more on top of things in general you are ADHD and otherwise I think it gives you a bit more credibility in dealing with other people. It also gives you a bit more I'll just say leverage.
Ari Tuckman: I was trying to think of a better word, but it gives you a bit more leverage to say, yeah, you know what?
Ari Tuckman: I think I'm not going to be able to do that thing and I'm okay with that. I'm sorry, you're not okay, but unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to do it. Right? So,…
Dave Delaney: Yeah.
Ari Tuckman: in other words, that you have the right to take a pass on things, which is different from forgetting to do it, procrastina getting the details as sort of ADHD didn't quite get it right sort of things. so I think that there's a lot to be gained from just being more on top of your ADHD and being more on top of your life overall.
Dave Delaney: And being mindful that's such a big part of this and something that comes up a lot is meditation and mindfulness and the power of that. I'm a big believer in and…
Ari Tuckman: Mhm. Sure.
Dave Delaney: meditator, not mindfulness. I heard something today actually listening to someone talk. It was Joseph Goldstein talking about it was this great point.
01:05:00
Dave Delaney: He was talking about how this was an old interview, but he was talking about watching a TV show and suddenly he realized the soundtrack is what makes the show or a movie, right? And a lot of people notice this too that …
Dave Delaney: if you turn it on mute, it's not scary until the music's on and then it's scary, and the music sets the tone,…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: And he used the analogy here of your thoughts and that if you were constantly thinking of negative things, doom and gloom and all this stuff or…
Dave Delaney: misinformation, whatever it is, but if you're feeding your mind with negative thoughts, those thoughts are the soundtrack to your life to every moment.
Dave Delaney: and in moments. It's not to say you should be thinking happy thoughts and be Truman Show or…
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: but I don't know. It just really resonated with me. I thought it was a cool way to little thought practice.
Ari Tuckman:
Ari Tuckman: Yeah. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: Yeah. Yes,…
Ari Tuckman: in that as much as there's sort of an automatic sort of it'll just sort of like autopilot somehow, I think there's also something to be said for noticing it and trying to shift it, and then catching yourself again and shifting and catching yourself again, right? that's part of the process.
Dave Delaney: it's returning to the breath. Yeah, it's go.
Ari Tuckman: Yep.
Dave Delaney: Joseph Wilson talks about that all the time. It's about starting again. just, you try to focus on your breath, and then it's time to just start again. If you get distracted,…
Ari Tuckman: Yep. Yeah,…
Dave Delaney: that's okay. That's life. That's how our minds operate.
Dave Delaney: Man,…
Ari Tuckman: exactly. Yeah.
Dave Delaney: this has been amazing. thank you so much for joining me. how can people get a hold of you and learn more about what you do and buy those books and all that good stuff?
Ari Tuckman: So, best place really is adult ADHDbook.com. That's my, books and presenting website. And I've got a bunch of information about all my books and when I update it, some information about upcoming presentations.
Dave Delaney: Okay, cool. yeah, keep me posted on that and I'm happy to share links and I'll of course include links to everything we talked about. So, yeah,…
Ari Tuckman: Hey,…
Dave Delaney: thanks for joining me.
Ari Tuckman: thank It was good to be here. I'm glad that we could do this.
The winners of the book giveaway are Anthony P, Hannah R, and Hollie O! Congratulations and thanks to Ari for supplying his book to these lucky Wise Squirrels!
