The Stories That Shape Us (And How to Stop Believing Them)

There’s a concept that echoes through many mindfulness and meditation teachings — one that can feel both unsettling and liberating: the idea of no self.

At its core, no self means that the "you" who reacts, worries, defends, and defines identity is not a fixed or permanent thing. It’s a construction — a story shaped by memory, conditioning, and interpretation. The voice in your head? It isn’t you. It’s a narrator built by a lifetime of input.

The stories in our minds about who we are, what we fear, and how the world works aren’t the absolute truth. They’re just stories. And most of them were written without our conscious input.

It suggests that the stories in our heads about who we are, what we fear, and how the world works aren’t the absolute truth. They’re just stories. And most of them were written without our conscious input.

Every experience is filtered through the lens of personal history: memories, beliefs, fears. A balloon drifting in the dark might trigger unease, or a quiet forest might stir anxiety. The moment itself is neutral; the meaning is manufactured.

Machete-wielding manics, negative feedback, and the Brain’s Storytelling Habit

Imagine walking through a forest. For some, it’s peaceful. But if the brain has cataloged enough slasher films or traumatic events, it might conjure up something else — a threat lurking behind the trees. The fear isn’t about what’s there, but what the mind projects - damn you Jason Voorhees.

It may seem irrational — until it isn’t. Trauma doesn’t ask permission before it resurfaces. Consider how ADHD kids hear 20,000 more negative statements than neurotypical children by the time they are twelve.

The brain doesn’t always distinguish between fact and fiction. It stores stories. And over time, those stories start to shape identity, reactions, and beliefs about what’s safe.

Avoidance, Defense, and the Strategies We Learn

Many people learn early on to avoid conflict, not as a personality trait, but as a survival strategy. In childhood, staying silent might have kept the peace. Pleasing others may have been safer than standing up for yourself, and this rings true for me.

But strategies formed in moments of fear don’t always age well. What once protected can eventually limit. Avoiding confrontation might cost important boundaries. Speaking up might swing too far into defensiveness. The ego jumps in, trying…

Keep Reading